Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
