Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
