i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
