I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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