I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
