what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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