Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
50% drunk capacity currently
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
