I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
