I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
