You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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