I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize