; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I love you. Go after that dick
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
