fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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