Don't make out with my wife yet
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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