I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
