just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
