he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
