the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize