we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
