May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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