Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
