dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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