Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize