my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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