You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
