M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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