I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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