.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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