dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
