need another drink. this is the easiest way
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
