I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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