i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
