Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
