my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
