I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
