The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
