Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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