Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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