you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
