Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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