So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize