I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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