I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
