He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Randomize
