Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he fucked my hip out of place.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
