It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
