I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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