I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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