I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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