Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She told me I should be a condom model.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize