I love black thongs
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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