We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
