so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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