Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
