I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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