I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
