He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
