Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
