Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize