I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize