he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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