Little spoons don't ask big questions
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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