i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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