I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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