The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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