Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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