i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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