well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
