He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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