I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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