she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
