Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
