those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
