Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
