she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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